Friendships are meant to be nurturing, fulfilling, and supportive—like a soft blanket you can wrap yourself in on a chilly day.
But occasionally, we find ourselves tangled in relationships that do more harm than good.
According to several psychological theories on relationships and boundaries, letting go of toxic friendships can be a vital part of self-care.
As an introvert living in fast-paced New York City, I’ve discovered over the years that not everyone you let into your life deserves to stay there.
Here are seven types of friends you might want to think twice about giving a second chance.
- The Chronic Manipulator
These friends specialize in making you doubt yourself, often using guilt trips or emotional blackmail to get what they want.
Dr. Henry Cloud’s work on boundaries emphasizes that people who continually cross your emotional lines aren’t genuinely respecting who you are.
If you notice a pattern of being “guilted” into doing things you’re uncomfortable with—or being made to feel responsible for their negative emotions—chances are, you’ve got a manipulator in your life.
Maya Angelou once said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” If they’ve manipulated you once, they’re likely to do it again.
- The Perpetual Critic
There’s constructive criticism, and then there’s the perpetual critic who is never satisfied with anything you do.
This friend might disguise their constant put-downs as “helpful advice,” but it leaves you feeling worse about yourself every time you hang out.
Healthy friendships are all about growth, but growth can’t happen if someone is constantly diminishing your self-esteem.
I used to hang around a group in college who made me feel like every essay, outfit, or opinion I had was subpar. It took me years to realize their so-called ‘help’ was just draining my confidence.
- The Consistent Flaker
Everyone cancels plans sometimes, but a Consistent Flaker is in a league of their own.
They only show up when it’s convenient or beneficial for them.
As a writer (and introvert), I value quality time with a small circle of people.
But if someone habitually bails last-minute, it indicates a lack of respect for your time and effort.
Psychologists note that reciprocal exchange in relationships—like reliability and following through on commitments—is an important factor in building trust and emotional security. Without it, friendships crumble.
- The Chronic Drama Magnet
We all have drama in our lives, but the difference here is that this person thrives on it.
Whether it’s relationship drama, work chaos, or personal vendettas, they drag you into their perpetual storm.
They rarely offer support in return and have little regard for how their whirlwind might impact your mental well-being.
Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to step away—before you get caught in the tornado.
If you constantly feel exhausted or stressed after hanging out with them, it’s a red flag.
Boundaries exist for a reason, and it’s perfectly acceptable to preserve your own peace.
- The “Frenemy” Who Thrives on Jealousy
This is the friend whose support feels a little too forced when you succeed.
You sense it in the subtle digs, backhanded compliments, or the eerie silence that greets your good news.
Envy can poison a friendship faster than you might realize. Rather than celebrating milestones and cheering each other on, you end up tiptoeing around their sensitive ego.
To borrow a line from Oprah Winfrey: “You can’t be friends with someone who wants your life.”
A true friend applauds your wins and sticks around during your losses.
- The Habitual Gossiper
A little gossip now and then is practically human nature. But the habitual gossiper takes this to the extreme—spreading rumors, twisting stories, and betraying your confidences.
Psychology often points out that trust is at the core of every meaningful relationship.
If you discover your secrets keep finding their way into the grapevine, it’s time to cut ties.
I once told a colleague-turned-friend something deeply personal, only to hear it repeated by a coworker weeks later.
That feeling of betrayal? Enough for me to walk away, no second chances given.
- The Emotional Freeloader
Do you ever feel like you’re doing all the heavy lifting in the friendship?
The Emotional Freeloader is the person who calls only when they need a shoulder to cry on, a favor, or someone to vent to—but vanishes the moment you need support.
Relationships are about give and take. If it’s always you giving, you might want to think again about investing in that bond.
Studies suggest that mutual emotional support is crucial for mental health in friendships.
One-sided dynamics can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and burnout.
